This has nothing to do with IT, it’s just me using this blog to do some bitching. I’m getting tired of hearing the words “we’re done here”. It started with all the cop programs on US TV. The scene is ‘the accused’ and his/her lawyer (for he/she is all-lawyered-up) and the series cop is asking him/her questions in an interview room. At some point the lawyer will intervene and say something like “This interview is over, we’re done here”.

This pernicious phrase seems to inhabit every goddam cop show on TV and is now infecting other shows; comedy shows, hospital shows, etc. and worse, people’s normal conversation. I was in Starbucks last week and some guy in front of me asks for a “Grande, non-fat, no foam, latte” and the server asks “will that be all?” and he says “Yeah, we’re done here”.

“And fall thy edgeless sword; despair, and die.” [As I murmured to myself and, also, the ghost of Clarence said to Richard III.]

“We’re done here” is a memelet. Memelet derives from meme which is; meme n. A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another. (according to Answers.com). A memelet is; memelet n. A truly irritating phrase which lost its meaning long ago and yet is repeated mindlessly and incessantly by everyone, even the French.

“We’re done here” reminds me of the 1970s when everyone kept using the term “no way” to no good purpose. As in:
“Would you care for a drink?”
“No way”.
Not “No thanks” or “I’d rather not”, but “No way’. It wasn’t said for meaning, but only in order to use the mindless memelet.

OK I’ve made my point.
Nous sommes fait, ici.

There are quite a few “shadowy groups” in evidence on the web, who fit the following description: “It is a secret society that actually rules the world (rather than the current crop of world leaders, who only appear to). Vote as often as you please, it’ll make no difference, because they are in charge, running the world according to some hidden agenda.” There are traces of such groups all over the web, and the Illuminati is one such group.

Insofar as there is any reliable history of this particular band of dubious schemers, the Illuminati was founded on May 1, 1776 by Adam Weishaupt, who was schooled by the Jesuits and who happily recruited Masons into his club. In 1784, the Bavarian government wisely decided to ban all secret societies – legislation, by the way, which seems pretty redundant to me, because if a society is truly secret, you won’t know about it and therefore cannot ban it, and if it isn’t, I guess the ban doesn’t really apply.

This notwithstanding, nothing prompts the growth of lies, rumours and misleading information about a secret society as much as a ban. And nothing (apart from having been banned) makes it more attractive to potential members than having extraordinary alumni. In particular, any self-respecting world-dominating secret society must have had Leonardo Da Vinci and Isaac Newton as members at some point in its history.

This is certainly the case with the Illuminati. Google for “illuminati” and “Da Vinci” and you’ll get 195,000 hits. Try “illuminati” and “Newton” and its 273,000 hits.

What you may be thinking is “didn’t Isaac Newton die well before 1776 (like in 1727 for example) and Da Vinci too (like in 1519)”. Well, yes… But you have to admit that both of these guys were well ahead of their time, and perhaps they were far enough ahead to, nevertheless, have joined the Illuminati when it was formed.

Anyway, not all authorities agree that the Illuminati was founded in 1776. The Ancient Illuminated Seers of the Eschaton, who claim to be the modern day illuminati, are pretty sure they were founded by Hassan i Sabbah in 1090 AD. And if you want to know more… “If your I.Q. is over 150, and you have $2300.00 (plus handling), you might be eligible for a trial membership in The Ancient Illuminated Seers of the Eschaton.” Lucky you.

Me, I’m too dumb to believe that real secret societies set up web sites and charge thousands of dollars for membership. I just don’t have the IQ points.

By the way, you may be wondering what Eschaton means. It means “the last thing” because these Illuminati – like all self-respecting world-dominating secret societies – are in control primarily because we are approaching “The End of Times”.

Next week: The Rosicrucians

Coming Soon: The Bilderberg Group

Eventually: The End of Times.

The Bilderberg Group can be singled out as special among putative groups of conspirators, for two reasons. First, the group appears to be a loose association of individuals that really are powerful or at least have very powerful connections. If you wanted to create a conspiracy then you might indeed wish to approach one or two “members” of this group. Secondly, because of the way it organizes itself, the Bilderberg Group naturally attracts accusations that it is “conspiratorial”.

The Bilderberg Group was founded in 1954 (a mere 50 years ago) by Joseph Retinger (an American Freemason) and Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands. As the group’s activities are deliberately secret it is difficult to know much about it for sure, but as far as I can tell the following is true or close to the truth.

The goal of the organisation was and is to promote co-operation between North America and Europe at a political and economic level. Meetings of the organisation take place once or twice a year, but irregularly and they are never announced. Security is heavy and all journalists or observers of any kind are barred. Invitees consist of; bankers, industrialists, prime ministers, presidents, politicians and people of influence from Europe and North America and reportedly, around 120 or so turn up to each meeting. Attendees can thus say whatever they please, interact and influence each other.

So what do the Bilderbergers do?

Well, it’s obvious really. They arrange assassinations, wars, election results, weird rituals and much besides. Throughout our history, aliens have controlled the human race through various secret societies, religions, Satanic cults and occult movements and the Bilderberg Group is just one of the means by which they achieve this – its their user interface if you like. You know, I could make this stuff up, but why bother when you can find it just as easily using Google.

In reality the Bilderberg Group is pretty much like the Illuminati – if you are inventing a conspiracy then its best to add them in. Google both words (Bilderberg and Illuminati) and you get 50,800 hits. They don’t line up so well with Zionists (a mere 22,000 hits) and they don’t line up at all with the Rosicrucians (only a handful of hits). They have a strong association with aliens (41,700 hits), assassination (43,300 hits) and surprisingly (to me) the Iraq War.

When the wacky theorists of the web aren’t accusing them of nefarious activities, the Bilderbergers come under fire for encouraging globalisation, which in all probability they do, if only in an informal way. It is said that the Bilderberg Group was influential in introducing the Euro into Europe and maybe they were. They may have encouraged quite a few political developments that we’ve all lived through. But we can never be sure, because its activities are secret – and for that reason it’s only possible to accuse them of worshiping an idol that takes the form of an owl. (Yes indeed, they are owl worshipers).

If you Google “Zionist conspiracy” you get 757,000 hits.

Zionists are, as far as I can tell, the world’s champion conspirers. Zionism (in case you didn’t know) is/was the movement to establish a Jewish homeland in Israel – something which has long been a fact – except that some Zionists geographically define Israel to include land outside Israel’s recognized borders, as defined in the Bible. Zion itself is actually a name for Jerusalem, so a Zionist is a Jerusalemist – if you like. And it is no secret that some Zionists do conspire to control all the land that, according to scripture, God gave to them.

That having been said, there is usually an attempt to suggest Zionist involvement in just about any real or imagined conspiracy that makes its way onto the Internet. Picking a few conspiracy-magnetic events, as examples, Zionists were involved, according to one web site or another, in the 9/11 attack, the “assassination” of Princess Diana and even the assassination of JFK. To give credibility to such theories demands that one’s natural skepticism be, not just suspended, but lynched. Happily, it doesn’t diminish the entertainment value that such conspiracy theories can offer.

Take 9/11. Zionists organized 9/11 to, er, pull the USA (and UK) into direct military involvement in the Middle East (possible, I guess) using a group of Saudis and other Arab nationals, all of whom happened to be graduates of the Osama Bin Laden school of terrorism, and associates of its headmaster. Aside from the sheer unlikeliness of this, the only “evidence” cited for this scenario is the accusation that thousands of Jews were warned not to turn up for work in the Twin Towers on 9/11. As it happens the number of Jewish victims killed on 9/11 was somewhere in the region of 400-500, including 5 Israeli nationals – numbers which square reasonably well with statistical expectations. The putative warnings clearly went unheeded.

The facts are terribly unkind to that theory, offering no support, and they are equally unfriendly to the Princess Diana conspiracy (the Zionist involvement clearly stemming from the fact that dead boyfriend Dodi was an Arab and not from anything as persuasive as evidence). Actually, there’s little point in looking for the Zionist links here, when the assassination idea itself doesn’t stack up.

However, the Zionist involvement in JFK’s assassination should, IMHO, be looked at in a different light. As far as I can gather, the FBI, CIA, Mafia, Cuban exiles, Cuban communists, Right-Wing Republicans, Southern Democrats led by Lyndon Johnson, Military Industrial complex, Illuminati, Bilderberg Group and, just possibly, aliens, were all involved in JFK’s assassination. (Lee Harvey Oswald may have been involved too). It must be the case that a conspiracy involving every other real or imagined plotter on the planet also included Zionists.

That notwithstanding, it is worth pointing out that the Book of Revelations has done a great deal to provoke restless minds into associating Israel, and hence Zionism, with the “End of Times”, the Rapture, apocalyptic horsemen and the rest, by referring to the location of the “last battle” as being at Armageddon – a real place in Israel, and quite disappointingly, an unexceptional hill. As a fair number of people seem to believe that the “End of Times” is just about now, give or take a decade or two, the temptation to associate Zionists with just about anything major that happens is rather strong – on the assumption that Zionist-provoked global events are milestones on the road to Armageddon.

This at least, is a preferable situation than the one that used to prevail, when inferred and imaginary Zionist plots were used as an excuse to persecute the Jews.

The word “Rosicrucian” comes from the Latin “rosae crucis”. The term dates back to the first century, and symbolically denotes a Rose with Cross in the center. The Rosicrucians are probably not as ancient as that. Historically, they made a name for themselves via graffiti. In March 1623, the citizens of Paris awoke to discover the walls of the city adorned with many placards which read:

“We, the deputies of the principal College of the Brethren of the Rose-cross, have taken up our abode, visible and invisible, in this city, by the grace of the Most High, towards whom are turned the hearts of the just. We show and teach without books or signs, and speak all sorts of languages in the countries where we dwell, to draw mankind, our fellows, from error and from death.”

All well and good, but the Brethren of the Rose-cross turned out to be so secret or, perhaps, disorganised that no-one followed through with a recruitment campaign. The citizens of Paris talked about the episode for a month or two—one skeptic, intrigued by the invisibility claims, challenged the Rosicrucians to make his debts invisible. The Rosicrucians never stepped out of the shadows.

Little is known about the Rosicrucians prior to the Paris “teaser-campaign-without-a-punch-line”. It has been suggested that they derive their name from a different source; Christian Rosencreutz, a German philosopher, who did a tour of the Holy Land around 1400, where (it is said) he picked up secret Sufi knowledge which he brought back to Europe in order to, er, keep it secret. Some authorities claim that Rosencreutz didn’t actually exist, while others claim he started the “highly influential” Rosicrucian movement.

To wit: “Before their time, alchymy was but a grovelling delusion; and theirs is the merit of having spiritualised and refined it.” (maybe by introducing the correct spelling of the word).

In any event, by 1600, the Rosicrucians discovered the printing press. Michael Mayer, a celebrated physician of the day, published the organization’s “articles” in 1615, claiming that “they were destined to accomplish the general peace and regeneration of man before the end of the world arrived”.

Does that sound familiar or what?

And by the way, given that they’ve been at it for 400 years, at least, I’m beginning to wonder if they have the right formula. But they may have, given their alumni list. Leonardo Da Vinci and Isaac Newton were, naturally, members of this secret society in their day. At least Google thinks so (Da Vinci—Rosicrucians 25,000 hits, Newton—Rosicrucians 14,300 hits).

Very little is known of the Rosicrucians since then (clearly the marketing department died) until… well, the Rosicrucians suddenly re-emerged in San Jose, in the 1920s, throwing caution to the wind.

They founded a dangerously public organization called AMORC (Ancient Mystical Order Rosae Crucis), built a park full of Egyptian statues and started selling membership subscriptions (currently $215 p.a.—just a little more than my quarterly mobile phone bill). These latter day Rosicrucians claim to have Egyptian origins that predate the Christian Rose Cross of the 1st century and they may have no relationship whatsoever to the Rosicrucians of the Middle Ages. Indeed, from the Surfin’ Safari perspective, they are a little disappointing—expressing no ambitions to introduce a new world order and take control at the “End of Times”.

Maybe they have such ambitions, but they’re keeping shtum.