1. You are reading this posting.

Let’s face it, if you didn’t have a problem you wouldn’t even be reading this. Fess up. You’re hooked and you know you are. The first step to dealing with an addiction is to acknowledge it.

2. You’ve tried to fly at least once in Real Life and fallen flat on your face?

That strange Real Life force that suddenly grabbed a-hold of you is called “gravity”. It’s there to keep you “grounded”. Do you understand the term “grounded”? Probably not. Look it up.

3. You refer to real life as RL.

Sad isn’t it?

I almost can’t believe it, but Google “Second Life” + RL, and you get 246,000 hits. This means that there are thousands of people that suffer with this sad RL abbreviation affliction and they are infecting the whole goddam Internet. Nothing short of mass action to get these poor people a life is gonna cure this.

4. When you walk down the street in RL, you try to right-click people to find out about them?

It doesn’t work, does it? Never mind, there is a remarkably effective strategy that works in both SL and RL. You can walk up to them and say:

“Hi. I don’t think we’ve met have we? Are you new in this neighbourhood?”

This will usually lead to an interesting exchange of information. Try it.

5. You spend hours trying to make your SL avatar look like your real-life avatar (that would be your body - except for the bulging waistline and that unsightly birthmark on your elbow, neither of which could possibly be real).

Let’s be frank. We all know why you hang out in Second Life. It’s because no-one gives you a second glance in real-life. If you make your avatar actually look like you, you’ll be stuck with the same problem in SL. So give it up.

6. You think the sub-prime lending crisis means that your SL properties are gonna be worthless.

Don’t get confused. Those properties were always worthless. You should have bought swampland in RL Florida instead. They are not real estate, they are virtual estate, which means no kind of estate.

7. You are concerned because the exchange rate of the Linden Dollar is tanking.

Wait a minute, you’re right! If the Linden is tanking, that means the RL dollar must be rising against the Euro and the Yen, which in turn means that those nasty Islamic oil-rich countries like Saudi Arabia and Iran will get more virtual value for their oil. They’ll be able to buy up SL assets at rock-bottom prices and establish a monopoly. Pretty soon all the women in Second Life will be wearing Burkahs. The virtual Fed needs to do something before it’s too late!!

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