If you surf the web for information on vampire sexuality you tend to hit unexpected but irrelevant digressions such as this vampire sex ritual posting. Yes indeed there are vampire fish, but really, who gives a damn. Lesbian vampire jailed for sex killing sounds promising, but it’s tabloid trash from ReligionNewsBlog (of all places). No vampires involved just brutal murder. Equally misleading is the headline Acquittal for vampire sex accused, because there is no vampire involved in the story reported by ABC – just the fact that the couple involved met through a web site called vampirefreaks.com. As far as sex is concerned, vampires suck.

But do vampires actually exist?

And this is where it does get a little freaky. There is inevitably bound to be some web sites out there which are convinced that vampires are a genuine phenomenon – this is the Internet after all. There’s even a YouTube video clip that claims to provide evidence of this.

Most disturbing of all, if you like to be disturbed, is haemavore.com. This web site makes the perfect play, claiming to be written by someone who “performs the equivalent duties of counsellor, pathologist and coroner for the Vampire community.” The author of the site explains; ” I am based in the beautiful countryside of Suffolk in England, but I travel all over the world to any Vampire that needs my help. This help however, extends only to true Vampires, members of the faux-species that I have named homo wampyrus and not to humans with Vampiric qualities or urges,..”

He then goes on to explain that he helps new vampires come to terms with their condition. He is there for vampires who have been injured either by accident or by the actions of misguided humans and cannot ask for help from conventional sources. He is a one man emergency service for vampires and seems to know all about them. His vampires are a little disappointing in some ways and have little interest in sex, but they are not averse to a little shape-shifting and the don’t like daylight much. He evens explains the immortality thing as being due to the possession of a special gene. It’s not that vampires are immortal, they just don’t age.

I have little doubt that the site is a hoax, but it is impressively so.

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